Tomorrow I will be competing in the Indianapolis Monumental Marathon. Conditions at start time are low forties and partly cloudy, with a high chance of lactic acid, extreme muscle fatigue, and reduced sperm count. My goals: Break the two-hours-and-thirty-minutes barrier; place in the top ten; and to bring the heat on all these pasty-faced, weekend-warrior poltroons and send y'all back to Ireland.
If you would like to get updates on my race, simply sign up here and enter my name (First name: Andrew; Last name: Jahn). In a way, it's just like watching a horror film, or witnessing a particularly nasty breakup - all of the thrill, none of the danger. The things I do for you guys.
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